Everyone hates being third wheel, right? Wrong. Honestly, I love being the third wheel with a cool couple. I'm so good at it, it might just be my calling in life.
Here are a few tips to being the best third wheel ever, based on situations I found myself in. Apparently I'm into lists now.
1) Stayed over at my friend's house one night. The next night I woke up and found her and her boytoy in bed begging for pancakes because her room mate (who was still sleeping) stupidly promised them pancakes in the morning. I hop into the shower and when I get out, their door is closed and the music is on loud. Good cover up...I decide to make them breakfast. By the time I find all of the ingredients and a good recipe they should be done. I mean, they started "listening to music" while I was in the shower. An hour later, pancake batter is made, kitchen and living room are cleaned, music is still blaring loudly. I have an interview in an hour so I have to leave, but not before leaving a note that went something like this: Here is the pancake batter I made, unfortunately I had to leave. Hope you enjoy it after your sex session :)
Lesson: When the couple you're third-wheeling is getting busy, make them some food for after they're done. They're going to need the calories. Also, leave a witty note that they will both enjoy and then put it on the fridge. True story.
P.S. Props for the long session, they legit deserved pancakes.
2) When the couple is being too cutesy, don't get bitter. There's nothing worse than a bitter third wheel, you will get fired ASAP. Instead, channel their cuteness and make a cutesy playlist for them. Cause we've all been at that stage and there's nothing better than listening to songs like She's Got You High by Mumm-ra to compliment what you're feeling. Furthermore, you've just made an awesome playlist that you can also enjoy. It's win/win.
Lesson: Use their romance to your creative advantage. Because lets face it, going from guy to guy due to the fact that you live all the way across the ocean (and you know that falling in love in Europe would be just plain stupid) isn't that inspiring. It's fun, but Justin Timberlake's Rock Your Body, while sexy, isn't exactly a piece of art.
3) I'm going to put the lesson first this time. Clear and simple: Share.
Now I know what you're thinking, not in THAT way, although my Swedish friend did jokingly suggest it (she has less of a filter than I do). What I mean is that you shouldn't pretend that you don't know every funny, silly, embarrassing detail about the couple. Talk about it, all the time, to everyone. Maybe not everyone, but anyone who will appreciate it. This was actually started by the Dutch half of the couple. The first time I met him we were talking about Rotterdam (a city in Holland, for all you non-Dutch people. Yes, there are cities in Holland other than Amsterdam), and how he had showed my Swedish friend around the city. We got to the part when they were "sitting on a park bench and talking", and I pretended that's the story that I was told, but he laughed and said "yeah, just sitting on a park bench" sarcastically. Park bench is now added to my list, although they got interrupted by a screaming woman in the forest, so I'll tread with caution. Dutch people are direct, and I love it. After that I felt free to discuss their private life all the time, a favorite hobby of mine.
Best news is that I'm going to be the ultimate third-wheel when we move to Denmark, because the Canadian and the Swede are moving in together! Next project: DJ one of their hook-ups. (100% stolen from Going the Distance)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Life Lessons From the American (No this isn't USA bashing)
I acknowledge that I am an awfully bad blogger. I'm just going to lie to myself and say the stuff I do blog is extra good/relevant/interesting to make up for the weeks/months of inaction.
The following are a few lessons my American friend taught/reiterated to me last night.
1. Canadians listen up. We like to think that we're better than Americans. We're nicer, we're smarter, we're more accepting, the list goes on and on. We need to get off our high horse because this makes us both arrogant and blind. Yes some Americans (especially in the south) are incredibly racist and ignorant, but so are some Canadians. Proof? When I was raising money for Somalia this summer in Ottawa, one man told me he didn't want to donate because "They're all pirates". This was not an isolated incident. Just because some Americans are racist doesn't mean all of them are, and it is not a defining feature of the country. To be fair there are some things that happen in America that would not in Canada (trying to pass a law that would define a fertilized embryo a person, just as one example), but our culture/history is very similar.
2. The fact that we have more social welfare in Canada than America doesn't make us better than them, it makes our programs better than theirs. This is a HUGE difference that many people don't understand. My American friend has health insurance for the first time in his life because the Netherlands requires you to get health insurance if you're studying here. His dad was an architect and mom was an artist so their jobs did not provide them with a health insurance plan and they couldn't really afford to pay for private health insurance on their own. A couple years ago his sister had to get her kidney removed, because of the medical bills their family went bankrupt and lost their house. Their family is separated now. I did not ask why, but going through that might have had something to do with it. Regardless, this is an incredibly sad and common story in America, people there go through things like this all the time. Yes, things like this happen in Canada as well but they're not as common. For this, we should respect Americans and the things that they have to go through because of a bad system, not feel better than them.
3. My American friend works 12 hours a day most days and still goes to school back in California. It took him three years to save up money so he could come to Europe. I have never worked that hard in my life. I work a fair amount, but my parents help me a lot. He reminds me of one of my best friends back in Ottawa. She mostly provides for herself to go to school, with the help of the government etc. I admire her a lot, she deserves everything that she wants from the world and rarely ever gets it. My American friend works harder than she does. What does this say? One, as people we are very similar and there are incredibly hard working and amazing people everywhere. Two, we need to stop giving Americans crap for being Americans, they go through enough crap already.
These aren't brilliant epiphanies, they're just a few things I learned last night once a party died down and there were three people left in the room.
Stay tuned from lessons I learned and am still learning from my Lithuanian friend.
The following are a few lessons my American friend taught/reiterated to me last night.
1. Canadians listen up. We like to think that we're better than Americans. We're nicer, we're smarter, we're more accepting, the list goes on and on. We need to get off our high horse because this makes us both arrogant and blind. Yes some Americans (especially in the south) are incredibly racist and ignorant, but so are some Canadians. Proof? When I was raising money for Somalia this summer in Ottawa, one man told me he didn't want to donate because "They're all pirates". This was not an isolated incident. Just because some Americans are racist doesn't mean all of them are, and it is not a defining feature of the country. To be fair there are some things that happen in America that would not in Canada (trying to pass a law that would define a fertilized embryo a person, just as one example), but our culture/history is very similar.
2. The fact that we have more social welfare in Canada than America doesn't make us better than them, it makes our programs better than theirs. This is a HUGE difference that many people don't understand. My American friend has health insurance for the first time in his life because the Netherlands requires you to get health insurance if you're studying here. His dad was an architect and mom was an artist so their jobs did not provide them with a health insurance plan and they couldn't really afford to pay for private health insurance on their own. A couple years ago his sister had to get her kidney removed, because of the medical bills their family went bankrupt and lost their house. Their family is separated now. I did not ask why, but going through that might have had something to do with it. Regardless, this is an incredibly sad and common story in America, people there go through things like this all the time. Yes, things like this happen in Canada as well but they're not as common. For this, we should respect Americans and the things that they have to go through because of a bad system, not feel better than them.
3. My American friend works 12 hours a day most days and still goes to school back in California. It took him three years to save up money so he could come to Europe. I have never worked that hard in my life. I work a fair amount, but my parents help me a lot. He reminds me of one of my best friends back in Ottawa. She mostly provides for herself to go to school, with the help of the government etc. I admire her a lot, she deserves everything that she wants from the world and rarely ever gets it. My American friend works harder than she does. What does this say? One, as people we are very similar and there are incredibly hard working and amazing people everywhere. Two, we need to stop giving Americans crap for being Americans, they go through enough crap already.
These aren't brilliant epiphanies, they're just a few things I learned last night once a party died down and there were three people left in the room.
Stay tuned from lessons I learned and am still learning from my Lithuanian friend.
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