Everyone hates being third wheel, right? Wrong. Honestly, I love being the third wheel with a cool couple. I'm so good at it, it might just be my calling in life.
Here are a few tips to being the best third wheel ever, based on situations I found myself in. Apparently I'm into lists now.
1) Stayed over at my friend's house one night. The next night I woke up and found her and her boytoy in bed begging for pancakes because her room mate (who was still sleeping) stupidly promised them pancakes in the morning. I hop into the shower and when I get out, their door is closed and the music is on loud. Good cover up...I decide to make them breakfast. By the time I find all of the ingredients and a good recipe they should be done. I mean, they started "listening to music" while I was in the shower. An hour later, pancake batter is made, kitchen and living room are cleaned, music is still blaring loudly. I have an interview in an hour so I have to leave, but not before leaving a note that went something like this: Here is the pancake batter I made, unfortunately I had to leave. Hope you enjoy it after your sex session :)
Lesson: When the couple you're third-wheeling is getting busy, make them some food for after they're done. They're going to need the calories. Also, leave a witty note that they will both enjoy and then put it on the fridge. True story.
P.S. Props for the long session, they legit deserved pancakes.
2) When the couple is being too cutesy, don't get bitter. There's nothing worse than a bitter third wheel, you will get fired ASAP. Instead, channel their cuteness and make a cutesy playlist for them. Cause we've all been at that stage and there's nothing better than listening to songs like She's Got You High by Mumm-ra to compliment what you're feeling. Furthermore, you've just made an awesome playlist that you can also enjoy. It's win/win.
Lesson: Use their romance to your creative advantage. Because lets face it, going from guy to guy due to the fact that you live all the way across the ocean (and you know that falling in love in Europe would be just plain stupid) isn't that inspiring. It's fun, but Justin Timberlake's Rock Your Body, while sexy, isn't exactly a piece of art.
3) I'm going to put the lesson first this time. Clear and simple: Share.
Now I know what you're thinking, not in THAT way, although my Swedish friend did jokingly suggest it (she has less of a filter than I do). What I mean is that you shouldn't pretend that you don't know every funny, silly, embarrassing detail about the couple. Talk about it, all the time, to everyone. Maybe not everyone, but anyone who will appreciate it. This was actually started by the Dutch half of the couple. The first time I met him we were talking about Rotterdam (a city in Holland, for all you non-Dutch people. Yes, there are cities in Holland other than Amsterdam), and how he had showed my Swedish friend around the city. We got to the part when they were "sitting on a park bench and talking", and I pretended that's the story that I was told, but he laughed and said "yeah, just sitting on a park bench" sarcastically. Park bench is now added to my list, although they got interrupted by a screaming woman in the forest, so I'll tread with caution. Dutch people are direct, and I love it. After that I felt free to discuss their private life all the time, a favorite hobby of mine.
Best news is that I'm going to be the ultimate third-wheel when we move to Denmark, because the Canadian and the Swede are moving in together! Next project: DJ one of their hook-ups. (100% stolen from Going the Distance)
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